i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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