Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
