what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
