Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
