I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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