he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize