soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
