I like my sex mixed with concussions.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
