I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
