There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
