I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
