i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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