I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
