my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
