Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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