I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
