Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
