i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
