Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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