I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
