do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
