I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
