I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
