i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
