Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
