I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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