It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
