sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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