Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have feelings that need drinking.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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