If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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