What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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