There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
