Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
