do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize