apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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