What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
