my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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