I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
