whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
