whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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