sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just pynch a tree in the face
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
4 words: hood of his car
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
