i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm too high and old for this...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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