Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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