After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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