he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
