8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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