I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
