WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
