He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
