i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
