I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
