I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
