This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My vagina just clenched in fear
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
