Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
