You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
