it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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