I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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