ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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