1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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