I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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