I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
