i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize