Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
