oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
