The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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