He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She announced her abortion via fbk
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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