My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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