he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
