Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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