Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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