just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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