tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
