seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize