When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
