I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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