this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
