Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
