My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
