if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
