I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
