Porn is love you can see.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
