just tell him i said nine months
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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