Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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