With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
