Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
