So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
