So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
3pm strippers are depressing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
