I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize