dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm passing your future prison.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
