i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
