they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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