You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My penis needs a shock collar
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
